Funeral For a Friend
by NewBlood7
Summary: After a fight between Amethyst and Pearl, Amethyst makes a mistake that no one will forget. *funny little one-shot*


Authors note: This story is slightly based on a bad Fanfiction I read. I decided to take the idea and make it a funny little one-shot.

* * *

**Steven POV**

The day started out like any other day. The crystal gems just got back from a mission, while I stayed at home. Sometimes the gems would leave me here because they thought the mission would be too dangerous. I used to get upset over it but I started to get used to it.

I didn't know where the gems were now, they were probably off doing their own thing. I laid on my stomach in my room as I held a video game controller in my hand. I was a little bored currently; I was just grinding in the game to defeat a difficult boss.

"Ugh why do RPGs always do this" I moaned as I complained at the game.

"Grinding is a bad mechanic, it gets really repetitive" I added pausing the game to check my inventory.

As I looked at the screen I saw a flash of light out of the corner of my eyes. I turned my head away from the screen quickly as I knew what it meant.

One of the gems rooms opened up as the door glowed a certain color. Out of the door walked Pearl as she exited her room. I quickly jumped off my bed as I landed on the floor.

"Hey Pearl" I said wanting some sort of excitement.

"Hello Steven" Pearl said sounding annoyed.

She obviously wasn't angry at me, if I had to guess it had to do with Amethyst.

"Where is she?" Pearl asked looking around.

"I don't k-" I said as suddenly the front door flung open.

Pearl and I both turned as we saw Amethyst in the doorway.

"What up nerds" Amethyst said strolling into the living room.

Pearl crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently as Amethyst stood in front of us.

"What?" Amethyst said confused.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Pearl said still tapping her foot.

"Say about what?" Amethyst asked putting her hands behind her head.

"This Amethyst!" Pearl said accessing her gem and throwing a bunch of dirty swords all over the floor.

"Oh that!" Amethyst said remembering it.

"Pretty great huh? I used the swords as a shish kebob for under your dumb waterfall. So when ever your stuff falls down it goes pfft" Amethyst said excited about her own work.

"Amethyst!" Pearl shouted angry.

"I almost just got impaled on your stupid deathtrap!" Pearl shouted annoyed at how proud she was.

"It's supposed to be a prank P, chill" Amethyst said not seeing it as a problem.

"That's not the only thing you've done today Amethyst" Pearl said as I stood there witnessing another one of there fights.

"On the mission today you purposefully let me get eaten by a slime monster" Pearl said blushing slightly.

"I know pretty funny huh" Amethyst said bumping me on the shoulder.

"You never clean up, you're always reckless, you never listen to me…" Pearl said as Amethyst was staring up at the ceiling.

"And you're still not listening to me!" Pearl shouted angry at her disobedience.

"That's cause you never say anything interesting" Amethyst said staring Pearl in the eyes.

Pearl blushed extremely hard at this.

"I'm trying to help you!" Pearl said arguing her perspective.

"One of these days your recklessness is going to get us all killed" Pearl said insulting her skills.

Amethyst got a little offended at this as she looked towards the ground for a second.

"Oh please" Amethyst said waving her hand and smiling.

Amethyst continued to walk towards the door as Pearl looked on in disapproval. Suddenly Amethyst's leg caught on the edge of the living room table and she stumbled.

Amethyst tripped over the table as she plunged face first into the center of the table. Amethyst's face broke the table into pieces as wood splinters flew up into the air.

Pearl and I watched in horror as Amethyst lied there in the wood pieces unmoving. A few seconds passed as she lied there.

"A- Amethyst?" Pearl said in a shaky voice.

Pearl put a hand over her mouth as she looked on in shock unable to say anything else. I rushed to Amethyst's aid as I hoped she was okay.

"Amethyst! Amethyst!" I said shaking her body.

There was no response as I flipped Amethyst onto her back and examined her face. Amethyst had her eyes closed as her tongue stuck out of her mouth in a silly fashion. To my surprise Amethyst looked completely alright, no damage.

"Amethyst?" I asked now confused.

"I'm dead" Amethyst responded keeping her eyes closed.

I sighed a bit as I realized she didn't injure herself.

"Amethyst of all the underhanded-" Pearl said suddenly turning her worry into anger.

"Put Xs over my eyes, I'm dead" Amethyst repeated playing dead.

Her tongue was still hanging out in an overtop the tone. I was giggling slightly as I saw what she was doing.

"Amethyst I know you're not dead" Pearl said not amused with the childish antic.

"No, I'm dead" Amethyst argued still not moving.

"Dead people don't talk!" Pearl shouted annoyed.

Amethyst didn't respond as Pearl moaned.

"Fine, I'll drag you then" Pearl said playing the adult role in the limp noodle scenario.

Pearl dragged Amethyst by the arm as she tried to drag her across the floor. Pearl strained as she barely moved Amethyst a few feet with her limp body.

"Ooh I am not in the mood to play this" Pearl said stomping the ground with one foot.

I was trying to hold back my laughter as the whole scene was funny to me. Pearl the frustrated adult and Amethyst acting like a toddler. I didn't have anything else to do today, so I figured I'd play along.

"Pearl, what did you do?!" I said in an unserious manner.

"You killed Amethyst!" I said sliding to the downed Amethyst on my knees.

I saw a slight smirk appear on Amethyst's face as she heard me. Pearl's mouth dropped open as she saw me joining in.

"She's not even dead! If she was dead there wouldn't be a body, she would be in her gem!" Pearl yelled as she told me stuff I already knew.

"Oh poor sweet Amethyst, all you wanted to do was skewer trash" I said rubbing her forehead.

"Steven!" Pearl shouted trying to get me to stop.

"Press X to pay respects" I said kissing my fingers and placing it on her forehead.

"This isn't funny you two" Pearl said pointing at both of us.

"Just wait until…" Pearl said as she suddenly heard a gem door open.

Pearl spun around as she saw Garnet exit out of her room. Garnet walked out into the living room as Pearl ran to her.

"Oh Garnet there you are" Pearl said grabbing Garnet by the forearm.

Pearl dragged Garnet to where we were as I still stayed by Amethyst's side. I looked up at Garnet as she glared down at us with a stoic expression. I felt a lump build in my throat as I knew she was mad at us. I stood up from my crouched position as I sweated profusely.

"I uhh…" I said unable to find the words.

Garnet glanced down at Amethyst and then looked back at me. I prepared for my punishment as Garnet began to speak.

"Pearl what have you done, you killed Amethyst" Garnet said gesturing to Amethyst on the floor.

"What?!" Pearl said backing up in surprise.

I smiled greatly as I saw that Garnet was playing along as well. Obviously Garnet knew how gems work and that there wouldn't be a body.

"Now Amethyst will never be amongst the living" Garnet added as Pearl stumbled with a response.

"We need to have a funeral for her" I said coming up with a great idea.

"Yes" Garnet said as she scooped Amethyst into her arms.

"B- But Garnet…" Pearl said completely confused on what had just transpired.

Garnet and I walked away with Amethyst in our arms.

* * *

A few hours later everything was set, Amethyst was to be buried in front of the temple near the beach. I explained how a funeral worked to Garnet.

We got a casket, flowers, a bagpipe player, attendees, everything. Amethyst's casket laid on the sand as it was suspended over a deep hole. Lars, Sadie, Kiki, Sour cream, Garnet and I stood around looking at the casket.

Pearl was in the crowd with her arms crossed and a frown plastered on her face. We looked towards the sand as I heard the priest speak. Ronaldo the Priest stood up near the casket as he faced the coffin.

In the coffin laid Amethyst with flowers in her hands and her tongue stuck out. We gave Amethyst an open casket service; it's what she would have wanted.

"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a great person…" Ronaldo began as Kiki blew into a handkerchief.

"But before we lure the casket down, a few people would like to say some words about our fallen hero" Ronaldo said stepping down from the podium.

"While you guys are busy doing that I'm gonna go look for the real Amethyst!" Ronaldo said ripping off his fancy shirt to reveal his 'Keep Beach City Weird' shirt.

"She just faked her death, like Elvis or Marilyn Monroe! And I'm gonna find her!" Ronaldo going off about his theories like he usually did.

Ronaldo ran off laughing as I realized I didn't tell Ronaldo that this whole thing was fake. Actually I didn't tell anyone here it was fake.

I turned to face Lars as I saw him crying his eyes out. That seemed out of character for him. Sadie was patting Lars on the back as I heard them talking to each other.

"Wow Lars I didn't know you cared so much about Amethyst" Sadie said a little unnerved by the way he was acting.

"I don't, she… she just came to the shop everyday. Now sales are gonna be low and so will my paycheck!" Lars said crying harder and grabbing hold of Sadie's shirt.

Sadie rolled her eyes as she let Lars continue to cry. I chuckled a bit as I saw Lars act like he usually does. I then walked up to the podium as I straightened out a few papers I had in my hand.

As I looked down at the attendees I saw Pearl as she mouthed the words 'Seriously?'. I continued on ignoring her as I spoke.

"Friends, family, pointy nosed colleges…" I said implying Pearl in the last part.

"We are here to celebrate the passing of a great friend, I don't have much else to say. Except that she was a great comrade who loved food and slacked off a bit, like we all do time after time." I said looking at Pearl.

Pearl sighed as she rubbed her shoulder solemnly.

"Hopefully she will find peace in the afterlife" I said closing my eyes.

"RIP in piece Amethyst" I said intentionally messing up the RIP acronym.

I turned to my dad who was holding the bagpipes as I nodded. Greg played the bagpipes as they sounded horrible, he obviously hasn't played these things in years. I don't even know where he got them from truthfully.

The casket was lowered as Greg continued to play the bagpipes. I ignored the horrible sounds of the instrument as I tried to look sad.

After Amethyst was buried completely everyone left the service and it was only just us. Garnet and I looked at the casket as Garnet spoke.

"That really is a nice casket" Garnet said admiring the craftsmanship.

"Yes it is Garnet, yes it is" I said as I patted Garnet on the back and then we began to walk away.

Pearl was still standing there as I heard her speak to Amethyst.

"Alright I get it, I shouldn't be so harsh. But I am harsh because I care; I care about your safety." Pearl said to Amethyst in the coffin.

There was a few minutes of silence as she spoke again.

"But was it worth it?" Pearl asked putting a hand on her hip.

There was another second of silence as Amethyst answered.

"Yes" She said simply.

"Okay, well good to know" Pearl said walking away from the casket.

"Wait… are you guys still there?" Amethyst asked from within her casket.

"I'm still buried in here" Amethyst said as everyone was gone now.

"Guys?" Amethyst said as there was no answer.

"…still worth it."


End file.
